The Seven-Year Itch

Me and the hubby are on our seventh year of being together, and you know what they say about couples’ tendencies to become unfaithful after seven years of togetherness (whether in marriage or in a domestic partnership). But if you ask if I’m worried, I shall stoutly say that I am not. Why? The simplest reason I can give you is that we don’t have intimacy issues.

And that makes everything alright?

In our relationship, I think yes. Me and Paulie were raised in completely different families. I am the product of a broken family, he isn’t. But even though he grew up with a complete set of parents, his dad beat him up (not too lightly, based on his stories) from time to time when he was a child. I thought we were a highly probable couple to have intimacy issues because of our backgrounds.

Obviously, I was wrong. We’re on our seventh year, and we’re stronger than ever as a couple. One could argue that it’s still too early to say, that nobody can be sure of what going to happen in a relationship until you’re actually in the middle of it. That’s a fact of life, yes, but we refuse to live our lives waiting for something wrong to happen between us. Is that not the whole point of loving? Making the best of each moment and not being afraid of what might or might not happen?

Yes, we enjoy being with each other and don’t feel as if we have to put up with each other just because we have a kid together. Even if we don’t have the luxury of going out on an actual “date” nowadays because of a super active toddler, we still find ways to do things together as a couple which will make us even closer.

A huge (but certainly not the only) part of intimacy is sex, and we agree. It is the spice that keeps a relationship burning. My best guess is, couples come to a relationship lull during the seventh year because of too much predictability in the bedroom. Boredom sets in, and the man or the woman (or both) wants to do something different, which sometimes (most times?) end up in infidelity.

We believe it is the responsibility of both parties to make sure it never comes to that point. It might take some courage and daring for some women (and even for some men) to be able to experiment on new things with her partner/husband in the sex department. The partner should be able to understand that and make sure everything is done to make the other half feel comfortable.

Whether it’s trying out new positions or using awesome stuff from EdenFantasys.com, the sex should be about pleasing each other and not just one of the parties. As with everything else in a relationship, it should be give and take. And can we agree that in the bedroom, giving is as much fun as taking?

Another point which might be a factor in the seven-year itch phenomenon is too much familiarity. We get so comfortable with our partners/husbands that we tend to forget taking care of ourselves for them. Looking good is not a priority anymore, what with the kid/s and work. This is something I am still working on, although Paulie is naturally vain so he doesn’t have a problem in that area.

Our partners/husbands still find us attractive after several years, sure, but if we can do something to renew that attraction everyday, wouldn’t it be easier to keep the relationship intact? I say, yes, it will. Giving yourself the “me time” you deserve, purchasing a couple of beauty and body products every now and then should be enough to get you started. It’s what I do now, at least. And I believe it’s working.

So you see, relationships/marriages are hard work. It requires constant dedication and commitment from the couple, which to outsiders might seem like a walk in the park. If you think it shouldn’t be hard and should be all fun, then you’ll be in for a rude awakening some months or years into the relationship.

To make unrealistic expectations (like you’re never going to fight because you’re so compatible) is a dangerous thing. Until we accept the fact that this will not be a perfect relationship, things will not work out the way we want it to. We should all learn to give allowances and yes, as cliché as it may sound, accept each other for who we are.

My relationship with Paulie had several rough patches and I’m sure they won’t be the last, but we have made it through this far. Who am I to not have faith that we could make it through seven more years? Acceptance. That’s what kept us going. We’ve learned to accept that we’re both imperfect individuals, but through those imperfections we were able to find ways to strengthen and boost each other up, every single day.