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I can still remember the day you left us. It was Avec’s birthday party, everyone was in high spirits. Looking back, we all agreed that it seemed like you just waited for that particular day, before you went away forever. I can still feel the pain of your passing up to now. I know that a small part of me died that day, too.

There were so many things I wish I could have done for/with you when you were still here with us. I wish I could have bought you those Equal sugar packets you like with your coffee with my own hard-earned money. I wish I could have learned a lot more words so I could do the crosswords with you every morning.

I wish I could have brought home more books for you to read. I wish I could have bought you a Kindle. Maybe you’d have a love/hate relationship with ebooks like I do. I wish you could have met Svet, Elijah and Hendrix. I’m sure you would have loved playing with them. I’m sure you’d also slip them treats when you could.

But life doesn’t always give us what we want, does it? I try so much to get the younger kids to love reading as much as you did, like how you showed me the wonders of devouring book after book after book, always eager for more. Rikka, Faye, Anjo, Katkat and Lex are voracious readers, I’m happy to report. I may or may not have a hand in it, but I’m 100% sure we all got it from you. I’m working on Svet as early as now, I want to show her the beauty of the world that I saw through reading books. I suppose that’s my own little way of keeping you alive in us.

I miss you so much, you and Mamala both. I really don’t believe in heaven, and knowing you, I don’t think you did, too. But if there was one, I know you’re in there with her, still doing your crossword puzzles while drinking your coffee, still reading books, still being your awesome self. I love you so much. I wish more than anything that I told you that more often.

2 Responses

  1. I absolutely agree with you.He’s a man of wisdom. In fact, i think i was/am lucky among all my siblings cause i had the best time chatting with him over a cup of coffee while puffing cigarrettes (hmm).But somehow hated those times too cause he was also a stubborn old man. when it came to Oning he became unreasonable (in the later part of their life)..Seloso na wala sa lugar..But just the same i miss him for that..I had known secrets of his pagbibinata..of his kamag-anaks..his flaws..his talent in his high school days..his bfriends and how he has one can make him bow down except his Creator…His passing away is the only truth in this one can escape.Painful yet fulfilling as you have stated..I also cried upon reading your article..kaka touch

  2. i still feel teardrops rollig my cheeks even if i read your article ten times..oh…there’s so many ifs still left after all these years..

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